Autumn Sunday


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Family Advocacy Group

When I arrived at base last week, I was given some advice to head to the family readiness center as well as the family advocacy group. The family readiness center gave me 20 free hours of babysitting while we PCS (permanent change of station)... I haven't used any as of yet, because I didn't want Teddy to have another unfamiliar situation to adjust to, but I have 60 days to use them, so I will save them for later.

The family readiness center was a great help. They gave me two nice books about parenting, and then had me fill out a rather intimidating questionnaire about my beliefs on parenting, etc. However, I went to two playgroups last week, and I found them to both be full of fun toys and games for the kids as well as nice conversation for the mothers ( and some fathers). This was a huge help for me because I found that many women are experiencing/have experienced all that I have in the chaos that is moving with the Air Force. One woman just arrived from Japan. Another woman is here while her husband trains. She leaves in August for Japan with him. They are living in temporary housing and all of their belongings have already been sent to Japan. Another woman thought she would only be here for 2 months while her husband trained. Two months has turned into 3, and 3 into 4, and 4 into 5. Needless to say, she is very tired of living with a baby in a hotel room.
All of the shared experiences don't make our situations any different. I mean, we are all women with little children living without our belongings in hotel rooms, but at least we are not alone it. There is a strength that comes from our collective discomfort... a discomfort that all who have served in the military become uncomfortably comfortable with after awhile... I hope.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Worry less-- a Work in Progress

I remember a Bible verse from Matthew 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?"
I must admit, this verse has been a challenge for me lately. I have had so many worries, compounded by lack of sleep. We don't have a home right now, and I have been so concerned with finding the right home for the four of us (and a dog, Nigel). So far, we haven't been able to find the right place, and we are moving again for 9 weeks for Tommy's aerospace medicine training. We found a home we liked, and it rented this morning. At first, I was disappointed. But then I felt this relief wash over me. I was torn because I wanted the house, but I didn't want to pay 9 weeks of rent on a home we wouldn't even be living in. Besides, we still have a home for sale in Lexington, KY. Now that there are no available homes for rent in the area I want, I can just worry about the present moment-- like taking Teddy to the airplane park this afternoon. No rushing off to get a key to look at house we may or may not rent!
I think one of the biggest challenges of not worrying about the home situation has a lot to do with my sons! Since Teddy saw that house, he has been crying 'house, house!" Obviously he has picked up on the fact that we are living in what is basically a hotel. He misses a home as well. I worry about there being so much change in his life. He clings to me more than ever and seems scared about new situations, whereas he was more adventurous in the past. I want stability for my boys-- a sense of home. I realize that in the military, this may be seemingly impossible at times. That is why the pressure is on me to provide as much stability as I can for them. So I am trying not to worry... and this has always been difficult for me because I am a type "A" personality by nature. I worry about everything... what people think of me, finances, my boys, the future. This has always been my "Achilles heel". I want to be spontaneous, worry free, laid back! I want to trust God more and my ability to have everything be perfect less! It seems there is always a new situation for me to grow in this lifelong pursuit. But I am still learning, still trying. I am still a work in progress.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Air Force-- 1st week

My first impression of the base in Little Rock is that it seems fairly small and is nicely laid out. The lake is pretty and Arkansas forest cover part of the grounds here. The housing is deplorable, but they are working on building new housing. I am not sure what I expected the base to look like, but I think that in my heart, I had hoped for some instant community, but I have yet to experience that yet.
People on base come and go and are, for the most part, not unfriendly. But to think that anyone is overtly nice, that would be to confuse this place for a small Christian college town... not an Air Force base. I mean, this is business. People live here and people work here which creates for an interesting dynamic. I mean, college was a place to socialize, and laugh, and play volleyball and learn. But we weren't exactly working together in college. I mean, the professors didn't live with us or by us. They had separate lives and homes and families.
So, I have to make a decision about where to live. Where do I set up our home? In the community near the base or off the base. Base housing isn't even open for officers yet. So I guess that makes the decision easy. Off base we go...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Officer Training

This is not the world's most creative title for a blog, nor is this the world's most creative title for a post. But can I be honest with you? My creative juices have really waned as of late. Perhaps the reason for this is the fact that I have a 9 lb bundle keeping me up at night and a toddler draining me of all of my creative energy during the day.
"Excuses are like noses, everyone has one" my dad would say. But here I am, writing this blog even though I would like to be sleeping right now. But what's another hour of sleep deprivation when I have so many hours that to sleep would only be like taking one small step out of a very large hole. Why am I so tired, you ask? Well, my husband is gone at OTS. I can't believe how lonely I am without him around. You know, he was gone often in residency, but I could still call him and talk to him almost daily. OTS is a different experience. It is like he is in another world that I cannot visit. When he calls, which isn't often, he is so tired and his experience is so far removed from mine. He is busy from dawn till dusk with so many task, too numerous too count. I am busy from dawn to dusk with the same repetitive tasks that new moms do constantly when their children are young (wiping noses, wiping rear ends, wiping goobie eyes... feeding toddlers, feeding babies, picking up food that toddlers throw, wiping up food that babies spit up). Yes, our jobs are both exhausting, but they are worlds apart. And that is how I feel right now-- worlds apart from my husband. Embarking on a journey with him that has him doing most of the "journeying" and me doing the same old tasks but without him around.

Of course, that brings me to my other point. We don't have a home yet. I am living at my mother's house. I moved there after he left to get help with the kids. Funny how much I appreciate my mother and how her home still feels restful to me and always will, but it isn't my home. My husband is my home, and he is miles away.